I Did It, and Here's the Proof

Hi, I'm Lisa, recovering workaholic. This is the moonlight meeting for that support group Ive heard about isn't it? Actually, I'd like to welcome you to my therapy session. You didn't know this, but you've been on my Bucket List for some time. But like with everything else, I consider myself a spontaneous procrastinator. I am dreaming of being a writer, in my mind it is a wonderful dream. My assignment from 2010 was to withstand 3 minutes of humiliation by purposely finding an open mic and letting it all out. Well, 2 days ago, I got called on my crap, so lucky you, I had to jump into action. and come up with something, anything. I spent the first 24 hours timing 3 minutes. It went from, "No problem to Holy Shit" the next 24 hours was spent trying to find humor in anything. That was the most serious, unfunny day of my entire life. The clock hit 9am which had me locked away for at least 30 minutes before "Shiny Object syndrome hit. I needed coffee, the dog needed food. Then with 4 boys home for the summer, it meant 1 request per child per hour. Off to hockey practice, open skate and Gretsky Hour. How could I possibly call myself a "Hockey mom" if I didn't show support. The neighbor's cats needed to be tended to. Every possible excuse I could find, I clung to. Oh, but I showed my effort, by dragging notebook, iPad, Comedy Bible with me throughout the day. Humor is never around when you need it most. It sounded like such a good idea when I told my buddy I was in. How hard could this be? Before I knew it it was 9pm, and man, I was wiped out from all the lack of humor that I searched desperately for. If I slept, I'd be refreshed and ready to work. Now, 9am, the day of my big moment, I am staring at a blank page. 3 minute? So, with that, welcome to my therapy session. Currently in our house, we're surviving first love, and it is just as corny as Twillight. I wondered where all the teenage angst came from in that movie...I now know it is REAL. Sure young love is cute for awhile, but after about an hour of the love birds, i find it difficult to be surrounded by pink teddy bears and i's dotted with little hearts. I've come to understand why my brothers beat the drama filled teenage girl out of me, and dang it, will have to thank them for their intervention. I'm having a tough time, being surrounded by boys all of my life. I recently, I overstepped my coolness factor. I don't know what came over me, but i thought I could fit in with the new "princess" generation. We have 2 little 5 year old girls in the family. They were dressed in all the Hello Kitty accessories, playing with the new princess line of Barbie dolls. I was a young girl, I had a barbie doll, what fun!?!? First, I had to ask a name of one of the princesses. Wasn't Aurora, Sleeping Beauty's name? Since I asked them who their favorite princess was, they asked me. I told them I actually liked Tinker Bell. Well, I must have sent them over the edge by my ignorance. One actually looked at me and said "OMG, (with eyeballs rolling followed by the sigh) Tinker Bell is NOT a princess, she is a fairy. I found the answer as to why all the schools have implemented anti-bully programs, those two were brutal. I've had a blast raising my sons, and am quite happy with that accomplishment. I base my success on the fact that they still don't mind being seen in public with me, well, that may all change in 1 minute or so. Even though, at times their inner drama queen emerges, and they have brought a few of them home to meet me, I can count on 2 of them to be more sensible in their choices. My youngest will have to find a "hockey girl". Yes, they do have a group on Facebook specifically for girls who like hockey. That'll be like eHarmony for him. He comments quite frequently about his annoyance with girls that wear too much make up. I've been on the receiving end a few times for that one. I actually hide out to apply make up when we have special occasions or have to been seen in public, other than the pet or grocery store. He's baffled as to why I bothered wasting so much money on braces for him, since his dream is to have his front teeth knocked out on the ice. I think Facebook is my greatest challenge with parenting. Although my kids are comfortable talking to me, laziness has led to many FB chat sessions and some scares. What is with parents that friend their kids friends. There are two women that have friended my kids, not because they know them, but because their child is friends with one of my kids. Like I mentioned, one son is a hockey FANatic, and his world collapses when the Sharks play poorly. I saw my son one night as he headed to his room, all seemed well. Suddenly FB notifications started popping up in my email box. Curiosity and my honed ability to procrastinate with my "Shiny Object Syndrome" led me to find out what was going on in the world of FB. This woman, a complete stranger to my son, who I've only met once, is trying to talk my son off the ledge. You've got so much to live for; don't let anything bring you down; life will get better. I jump out of my chair, sprint across the house, wondering what could have possibly brought my son to the brink, knowing I just saw him moments earlier. Only to be met with "what's wrong with you mom, are you OK?" I'm still in mother lion mode, so caught in the moment, I find myself spewing out words of wisdom only to find out that the game ended 10 minutes ago, he was upset and posted about his disappointment in the loss. Disaster diverted, however, it takes another hour for my blood pressure to return to normal, my heart to stop racing. So, have no fear, with his hockey addiction added with the immediate gratification of facebookDon't worry, I'm sure the pictures of his missing teeth as well as a close up of his toothless smile will be posted on Facebook within 2 minutes of it happening.