I know I should be a pro at handling manipulative personalities. I faced Family Court repeatedly until one judge FINALLY told my ex to stop trying to use the system to harass me. I've watched teacher drool over a man showing up at school to make sure my sons' shoelaces were tied, while rolling their eyes at me for ONLY putting together a school yearbook. I've watched while a loved one slips away and his own daughter claims she didn't show up because her brother seems to WANT to handle everything. I still haven't a clue how to battle it and WIN. Sure, I have a wicked tongue, am the Queen of grudges, and have mastered silent treatment for a short reprieve from their games, but key terms here, SHORT REPRIEVE, not CURE.
Although I have plaques, email, spoken, formal and informal accolades for a job well done, I have a thorn in my side. The latest, I found out through a very upset, angry caller, while they were blowing off steam, that apparently I must be a untrustworthy moron, because I hadn't bothered to change an outdated voicemail greeting on my phone. It threw me off a bit, put me off guard, and left me feeling embarrassed by this apparent lack of attention to detail.
So, after apologizing to the woman, I decided to figure out what she could have possibly meant by her jabs. Lo and behold, I went to voicemail on my phone, going to settings. Instead of being the greeting that took some time to reach my acceptance, it was a stranger's voice, giving information for a different department, lacking relevance to the group I work with.
Well, I've dealt with this culprit now for almost two years, I've talked to her, email, formal letters, conferences. No matter what approach it seems to be forgotten or just fallen on deaf ears to begin with. I decided, this time would be different. I'll kill her with kindness. Isn't that what my mom always told me? So, I send her a Thank you note, for taking on the duty of updating my voicemail greeting, however, possibly should she choose to do this again, maybe, just maybe she might mention it. In return I receive this apologetic, "It will NEVER happen again" response. I hate those, because I feel bad when I think I might have hurt someone's feelings.
Today, I find an email from this woman, delegating my job to me, with the comment of I KNOW you LIKE to be aware of all that is happening, so I'm passing this along in case you want to do something with it. If and when I confront her on this, I know, as she's done repeatedly, for WAY TOO Long, she'll shrug, giggle and say she didn't mean it. She'll get yet another hand holding meeting to make sure she feel okay, and this pattern will just continue on.
You'd figure with unemployment figures being as high as they are at the moment, that maybe, JUST MAYBE companies would tire of these individuals that suck the life out of an organization, put morale in the gutter, while they pick off effective, efficient, team players through frustration.
I just don't understand. IF there is a method of battling this behavior and truly make it stop, please, PLEASE let me in on the secret. Selective stupidity is NOT a disorder, it's merely creates dysfunction. Help me make the madness STOP!!
2 comments:
What is it that you see in this person that bugs you the most?
I've always found that it's usually the thing I hate about myself that bugs me in others.
This may sound like a crazy solution but look at yourself, what is it in you that you can change which will ultimately change your environment (ie - the way you interact with this woman?)
Stop the games yourself and her games won't bother you.
If she wants to be passive aggressive, let her.
Her behavior can only get under your skin if you allow her to do it, no one can do anything to you unless you allow it.
Your mom was right, kill her with kindness. Don't let up.
Maybe you can ask her to "help you to understand why ..." fill in the blank with what you need to understand.
Sometimes, it's just best to let these little annoyances go, it's not worth upsetting yourself.
Hope my comment is helpful. I've worked with a lot of people like this woman and I often wondered how they stayed employed.
I have gone through that, and most days I let it go. I think right now, with all the other stuff on my plate, I find myself probably more sensitive than usual. You know, that wanting to be liked. It seems like her behavior bounces back and forth, today I walked past her and in a baby voice was trying to seem my best bud.
I've never been like that but have been exposed to that personality SO MANY TIMES, that I'm tired. My ex was like that, co-workers through the years. It may be envy. I had a friend many years ago, that wasn't very nice to people, yet always got the attention, accolades, while I was once told I had "sneaky brown eyes". So maybe the bottom line is envy that I've never been able to get away with that behavior myself and see it work to others advantages too frequently.
I'll definitely keep on my internal quest. God knows, I've been working through me for my entire adult life.
Thanks for reminding me. I'll keep on the high road.
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