Good vs. Evil

In my attempt to teach my children to treat others the way they’d like to be treated, I feel maybe I’m doing them a disservice. I’ve battled for a few years now with Eddie Haskell. This kid is a heartless, game player, that messes with the minds of other kids just for the fun of it.

I’ve had plenty of “chats” with this child, to no avail. Sure, he’s scared of me, now overly polite when he sees me, but still as conniving as ever. Seems he has a difficult time with odd numbers, meaning, loves to find 2 people to pit against each other for his pleasure. Since there are one of him, three on my side, and a few other stragglers that have a break from him through joint custody agreements, more often than not, his victims come from my house.

We’ve seen him get a guitar, because they became popular in our house. Skateboards, he’s had a few, as you guessed it, we have avid skateboarders here. Usually one of my sons brings home friends, he sniffs out his prey, and attacks, takes credit whenever he can and latches on to people much like the dreaded leach.

I’ve had the opportunity to watch all the neighbor kids on skateboards, having been designated the honorary cameraman on many of their park adventures. Well, let’s just say this kid is more like Bucky Dent than Bucky Lasek on a skateboard. With a few of the kids it’s their passion, and they have no fear to try new tricks. Suddenly he’s put in a competition with my son, who has absolutely no fear and practices for an average of five hours any given day this summer. His latest victim is the judge, and miraculously he pulls off victory twice over my son, and declared the “BEST” skater on the team.

Why can’t kids just get along? Is it necessary to complicate everything in life, beginning so soon? The saddest part of this is I’ve seen what floats to the top in the corpporate world, and don’t think this kid will ever figure it out. Why? This behavior of his will benefit him through his whole life.

So, I’m stuck. Do I abandon trying to teach my kids good values and trade it all in game playing 101? Personally I cannot stand those who play those games, have absolutely NO RESPECT for them. Maybe another little “chat” will do the trick, or just buy me a few days of serenity. The problem with this whole parenting thing is you just don’t know how you’ve done until it’s too late to correct any mistakes you may have made.

Disorder or Dysfunction?

When is something a disorder? What’s makes it so? In my mind, a disorder, especially those that occur later in life are totally random. Hurt feelings hit everyone in that person’s life. Manipulation is selective pain innvoked on others. How do you find treatment for both, when there is so much gray area to cover. How do you truly discover what can be treated through medicine versus psychologically?

Recent episodes have included mind boggling symptoms, that are ever changing. Confusion with clarity to call the one with emotional baggage er, ties. Feel my pain, don’t you feel bad, fix me, BUT…only on MY TERMS. To me that’s not a disorder but rather a dysfunction.

Above that, add a medical diagnosis that maybe it’s Lewy Body so it’s unpredictable. Even medical professionals are now saying that if it truly is Lewy Body it’s the slowest progressing case they’ve ever witnessed.

With over fifteen years dealing with recovery, and many more dealing with manipulation, my input comes across as a cold hearted, uncaring, biased outsider, who just hasn’t a clue as to the significant changes this person has gone through over the last few years.

Well, true, I’m an outsider…true, I’m warped in my opinion, but the fact is, the person has been the same cold hearted, self centered individual I’ve encountered for the last five years.

How do you possibly tell someone you love that their parent is a lying, self centered, self serving piece of something cows would say ewww about? There is no politically correct way of spinning that one. Hell, Karl Rove couldn’t spin that one and make it look good.

This man made my life a living hell for three of those five years, bitter, hell yeah. Forgiving, I can do that, forget, no way. My belief is this man has had people fishing for him for so many years that he never had to learn to fish for himself. He’s burned bridges to safety without a care, and now he’s feeling the consequences for all of those bad choices he’s made in his life, and searching for someone to fish some more. His antics have increased in drama due to the fact that he’s cried wolf so many times, most of the sheep are gone, and only one lifeline remains.

As he’s looking for pity from the one remaining ally, he’s giving credit to all the wrong people. In the process he’s pushing away the one remaining teammate he has, foresaking them while thanking those who have not been there, have not cared, think he’s full of it.

If it truly is a disorder, I would go to the ends of the earth to help, but I’m having a tough time diserning what is real and what is fabricated. We’re back again hearing the doctor’s mention Lewy Body, and back to feeling the guilt and pain, hoping that we do all that we can to help a man not seeming worthy of our love and assistance.

Terrible Two's

What do you do when you see the terrible two’s without a toddler in sight? Lately I’ve seen more than my fair share of temper tantrums, unfortunately the throwers are way beyond the stage of life when they are acceptable, and definitely no longer cute.

Actually, temper tantrums, although sometimes humorous to passerbys, are never really cute, no matter what age. The growing trend I’ve seen is these hissy fits lasting from adulthood into the golden years. As a public service, let me tell you a temper tantrum at these points in your life are pathetic no matter what angle the lens is.

What do you do when you have an in-law throwing hissy fits into his 70’s? In-law! That means you inherited this one; no emotional ties, no paybacks, no guilt trips involved. You either ignore, and stay as far away from them as possible, or you take my route, call it as you see it. Mental note, my method is not the best choice, especially if you care about serenity, calm or stability.

I have found there is absolutely no winning, no draws…nadda. It is the quickest route to total chaos. You will NEVER EVER be seen as helpful. You will not win. You will ALWAYS be the outsider, the bad guy.

I’m stuck today with “why do you hate my father?” In my mind I can alphabetize or place in numerical order the countless answers to that question. That is left better unsaid, just remember those words of wisdom.

This man has burned every bridge he has ever had. Shredded every safety rope, down to a thread. The brain does NOT engage prior to the opening of his mouth. My favorite, is clueless when called on it. He has one advocate left, and unfortunately for me, it had to be the one man I married. Every conceivable solution is met with his lack of willingness. I’ve spent countless hours devising plots and plans to no avail.

Top that with life experiences that were traumatic. He survived the internment camps of WWII, buried a wife and a child. Who wouldn’t be depressed? It’s easy to victimize your situation with those struggles. I keep that in mind, and should I ever forget, I’m constantly reminded. I’m not cold. I’m very empathetic, and will eagerly go to the ends of the earth to help someone in need, with one slight catch…one must be willing to want my assistance.

He and I have many similarities, more than he could ever think possible. I’ve survived abuse, neglect, abandonment, addiction, divorce and death, some of those by the age of six. The major difference is I REFUSE to let anyone or anything keep me down. Life experience I use to learn from. I don’t accept being a victim. I’m constantly learning and growing. God knows, when something is painful, I can procrastinate like no one else, but eventually I get down to the dirty work needed to heal, to move on, and move forward. I NEVER GIVE UP on myself.

So, for the moment, I’m the cold heartless, judgemental outsider who will just NEVER understand the situation at hand, banished to my doghouse yet again.

Maybe it’s true that I don’t get it, but I think the true problem is that I understand it all too well.