When Mom's Go Wild!

If you heard of a small 3.2 earthquake in San Jose, have no fear, it was merely me, snapping as my last nerve had been stomped on, ripped out and torn to shreds. I'm usually a very mild mannered individual, kind and caring. That all changed at about 11:04 AM. After two non-stop hours of "stop touching me!" STOP!!! Stop it. Follow that with stalking their prey; meaning older brother chasing after his younger brother to torment him further. It amazes me, Pavlov's dogs learned at a much quicker rate than I witnessed this morning.

I grew up with two older brothers, so I can sympathize, to a point. I don't recall chasing my brothers after they tormented me endlessly. I also was able to read them well, knowing exactly at what point I could push an issue before they exploded in rage. It benefited me, survival skills I believe is what most would consider them.

Ironically this morning I saw a post about sibling rivalry, and just four simple steps to stop it. Please! Apparently, if the expert was a parent, she must have only one child. I can buy that sibling rivalry is "normal", but to what extent before it is completely over the top.

It would be considered insane by some, but I finally had to point out to a child that one of the benchmarks for my success as a parent was helping them survive to adulthood, and that I was going to need his help in reaching that milestone. He had pushed every possible button in each and every brother, and honestly, I didn't realize how many buttons they actually had until this point. I saw rage like never before in three people, I thought I actually did see the steam coming from the ears of one, another looked like he was having a fit much like seen in Roger Rabbit.

Finally I have calm, for a moment. I'm relishing the silence, as I know it's not long lasting. One thing that does concern me with the timing of the fits of rage; the phone company is tearing out our driveway to solve one of their on-going phone line issues, and I saw children with a measuring tape trying to scope out the size of the hole. I'll be really concerned if they also start measuring their brother's proportions to see if it's a fit. More concerned should be the child that caused the complete meltdown of all around him, but he's having too much fun, I'm sure plotting out his next attack, and sizing up possible victims himself.

So, if any of you figure out how Pavlov's whole system worked, let me know...I'm running out of creative solutions to the sibling rivalry that seems to be raising our roof.

Terrible Two's

What do you do when you see the terrible two’s without a toddler in sight? Lately I’ve seen more than my fair share of temper tantrums, unfortunately the throwers are way beyond the stage of life when they are acceptable, and definitely no longer cute.

Actually, temper tantrums, although sometimes humorous to passerbys, are never really cute, no matter what age. The growing trend I’ve seen is these hissy fits lasting from adulthood into the golden years. As a public service, let me tell you a temper tantrum at these points in your life are pathetic no matter what angle the lens is.

What do you do when you have an in-law throwing hissy fits into his 70’s? In-law! That means you inherited this one; no emotional ties, no paybacks, no guilt trips involved. You either ignore, and stay as far away from them as possible, or you take my route, call it as you see it. Mental note, my method is not the best choice, especially if you care about serenity, calm or stability.

I have found there is absolutely no winning, no draws…nadda. It is the quickest route to total chaos. You will NEVER EVER be seen as helpful. You will not win. You will ALWAYS be the outsider, the bad guy.

I’m stuck today with “why do you hate my father?” In my mind I can alphabetize or place in numerical order the countless answers to that question. That is left better unsaid, just remember those words of wisdom.

This man has burned every bridge he has ever had. Shredded every safety rope, down to a thread. The brain does NOT engage prior to the opening of his mouth. My favorite, is clueless when called on it. He has one advocate left, and unfortunately for me, it had to be the one man I married. Every conceivable solution is met with his lack of willingness. I’ve spent countless hours devising plots and plans to no avail.

Top that with life experiences that were traumatic. He survived the internment camps of WWII, buried a wife and a child. Who wouldn’t be depressed? It’s easy to victimize your situation with those struggles. I keep that in mind, and should I ever forget, I’m constantly reminded. I’m not cold. I’m very empathetic, and will eagerly go to the ends of the earth to help someone in need, with one slight catch…one must be willing to want my assistance.

He and I have many similarities, more than he could ever think possible. I’ve survived abuse, neglect, abandonment, addiction, divorce and death, some of those by the age of six. The major difference is I REFUSE to let anyone or anything keep me down. Life experience I use to learn from. I don’t accept being a victim. I’m constantly learning and growing. God knows, when something is painful, I can procrastinate like no one else, but eventually I get down to the dirty work needed to heal, to move on, and move forward. I NEVER GIVE UP on myself.

So, for the moment, I’m the cold heartless, judgemental outsider who will just NEVER understand the situation at hand, banished to my doghouse yet again.

Maybe it’s true that I don’t get it, but I think the true problem is that I understand it all too well.