I just came across a quote recently that said it's only the first 40 years of parenting that are difficult. Great, that means I still have so many more to go before I can have a true evaluation of the job done. My son is soon to be 15, believe in about 90 hours from now, according to his calculations. I love the boy dearly, but as I've probably mentioned many times before, he can warm or crush my heart so easily depending on the situation.
Last night he had one of his "You really said that out LOUD?" moments. He's always been one that may have a short circuit between brain and mouth. I know, because I've spent COUNTLESS, PAINFUL hours at schools over the years behind this syndrome. He is probably a typical teenager, phone in one hand, computer in the other, texting friends from noon til nightfall. He chose to mention to me at 11:30PM that he needed to wash clothes. Needless to say my reaction wasn't the Donna Reed type motherly response, but more suitable for One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. He then proceeded to tell me that this was MY FAULT because if I had bought him MORE clothes at the beginning of the school year, I would somehow have avoided this dilemma now occurring. Hearing that caused the quote about mother's eating their young, and it made sense to me.
When does brand conscious begin. I have a child that willingly, wants nothing more than to walk around in sweat pants and tee-shirts, the other would walk around in hockey pants and gear 24/7 given the opportunity. This one, however, is VERY brand conscious. What he seems to forget in his moments is that his brothers can create an entire wardrobe with the cost of one outfit for him. Between skater jeans, shoes and tee-shirts, especially those he feels only worthy or ready to fall apart every 6-8 weeks. For his birthday, he needed a new cell phone. Again, his renewal was up, and he could have chosen a phone that would have been inexpensive, but instead wants an iPhone.
Before an argument could ensue, his comments must have circulated back to his brain, and he quickly decided to detour off the path of self-destruction he was heading. Thank God for both of us. So, now with his birthday countdown I'm beginning my own...in a mere 15 years and 90 hours, I may find out if I was successful in this whole parenting role. My only hope now, is that WE survive long enough to find out.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Time to Grow Up, Let Go!
During a recent visit to an elderly friend, I saw photos all over the room of his granddaughter. In any normal situation that would be expected, however, since the child's birth others have bought gifts for the girl since her mother wanted NOTHING to do with her father.
As his health has declined over the last few years, everyone has pitched in to assist with his care. He's lived with us for a time, then came to visit weekly. Now that he is reaching the final stages of his condition, his daughter has visited him once, after thinking it was all made up, exaggerated to get her attention. She showed up with pictures of her daughter, whom he doesn't recognize or remember. He cannot remember his daughter's name at this point because the distance has been so long between them.
I was appalled when I walked in to find pictures she supplied, yet the photo he's had for years of his mother, is set sideways on a table behind a box of tissue, while her daughter is on display for all to see.
How can people live with themselves when they have absolutely no substance at all. Everything in life to them is a SHOW. That's what I see when I think of her. I'm angry with her because my family has put their lives on hold to care for HER father, without even a thought to involve herself. The only involvement I've seen is when there is an audience, when others might think badly of her behavior. More so than angry, I feel sorry for her. She thinks the world revolves around her existence. She believes the world falls for her public persona, that the world is HER stage.
I can say from experience, that losing a parent with unresolved issues is a painful path to take. Lack of closure wounds deep, and for some doesn't heal. I know that we'll be hearing from her after her father is gone, wondering what happened. Until now, everyone has given her the pity she is looking for, listened to her excuses for not being there in a time of need, all the while talking about her, wondering what happened to her. I don't envy her or anyone in that situation, but I have no compassion for those whose own selfish behavior leads them to this position in life. I've been very clear, that I won't say anything to her, but I don't plan to help pick up the pieces for her self-induced, destructive ways.
I would hope that people would realize sometimes there are no second chances, and actions DO SPEAK LOUDER than your words. If found in this situation, don't fool yourself into believing that everyone is falling for your world of make believe. Realize YOU are the fool, not everyone else. Better yet, get over whatever it is that happened in the past, let it go, and forgive. Try to hold onto the notion that they did the best they could with what they had at the time as there is no way to turn back the hands of time.
As his health has declined over the last few years, everyone has pitched in to assist with his care. He's lived with us for a time, then came to visit weekly. Now that he is reaching the final stages of his condition, his daughter has visited him once, after thinking it was all made up, exaggerated to get her attention. She showed up with pictures of her daughter, whom he doesn't recognize or remember. He cannot remember his daughter's name at this point because the distance has been so long between them.
I was appalled when I walked in to find pictures she supplied, yet the photo he's had for years of his mother, is set sideways on a table behind a box of tissue, while her daughter is on display for all to see.
How can people live with themselves when they have absolutely no substance at all. Everything in life to them is a SHOW. That's what I see when I think of her. I'm angry with her because my family has put their lives on hold to care for HER father, without even a thought to involve herself. The only involvement I've seen is when there is an audience, when others might think badly of her behavior. More so than angry, I feel sorry for her. She thinks the world revolves around her existence. She believes the world falls for her public persona, that the world is HER stage.
I can say from experience, that losing a parent with unresolved issues is a painful path to take. Lack of closure wounds deep, and for some doesn't heal. I know that we'll be hearing from her after her father is gone, wondering what happened. Until now, everyone has given her the pity she is looking for, listened to her excuses for not being there in a time of need, all the while talking about her, wondering what happened to her. I don't envy her or anyone in that situation, but I have no compassion for those whose own selfish behavior leads them to this position in life. I've been very clear, that I won't say anything to her, but I don't plan to help pick up the pieces for her self-induced, destructive ways.
I would hope that people would realize sometimes there are no second chances, and actions DO SPEAK LOUDER than your words. If found in this situation, don't fool yourself into believing that everyone is falling for your world of make believe. Realize YOU are the fool, not everyone else. Better yet, get over whatever it is that happened in the past, let it go, and forgive. Try to hold onto the notion that they did the best they could with what they had at the time as there is no way to turn back the hands of time.
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