Let's Party!

Lowered expectations seem to be everywhere these days. The latest to fall is the new standards placed on alcoholism. Thanks to the likes of Lindsey, Paris, Britney and the rest of the white trash ho down, they’ve decided it is not feesible to expect alcoholics to abstain from alcohol forever. So, the new expectation is sobriety for ONE YEAR.

When I entered recovery, I remember hearing the statistics. I believe 1 in 10 made it through the first year, however, if you could abstain for five years, your probability of remaining sober jump to 85%.

Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob must be rolling around in their graves to think that the program they devised that has worked for scores of people is being torn down so that recovery rates can look better.

I’m shocked, but I guess I shouldn’t be totally surprised. Everyone needs to feel success at lesser costs. I should be happy, according to the new standards, I’m cured. Let’s Party!

Terrible Two's

What do you do when you see the terrible two’s without a toddler in sight? Lately I’ve seen more than my fair share of temper tantrums, unfortunately the throwers are way beyond the stage of life when they are acceptable, and definitely no longer cute.

Actually, temper tantrums, although sometimes humorous to passerbys, are never really cute, no matter what age. The growing trend I’ve seen is these hissy fits lasting from adulthood into the golden years. As a public service, let me tell you a temper tantrum at these points in your life are pathetic no matter what angle the lens is.

What do you do when you have an in-law throwing hissy fits into his 70’s? In-law! That means you inherited this one; no emotional ties, no paybacks, no guilt trips involved. You either ignore, and stay as far away from them as possible, or you take my route, call it as you see it. Mental note, my method is not the best choice, especially if you care about serenity, calm or stability.

I have found there is absolutely no winning, no draws…nadda. It is the quickest route to total chaos. You will NEVER EVER be seen as helpful. You will not win. You will ALWAYS be the outsider, the bad guy.

I’m stuck today with “why do you hate my father?” In my mind I can alphabetize or place in numerical order the countless answers to that question. That is left better unsaid, just remember those words of wisdom.

This man has burned every bridge he has ever had. Shredded every safety rope, down to a thread. The brain does NOT engage prior to the opening of his mouth. My favorite, is clueless when called on it. He has one advocate left, and unfortunately for me, it had to be the one man I married. Every conceivable solution is met with his lack of willingness. I’ve spent countless hours devising plots and plans to no avail.

Top that with life experiences that were traumatic. He survived the internment camps of WWII, buried a wife and a child. Who wouldn’t be depressed? It’s easy to victimize your situation with those struggles. I keep that in mind, and should I ever forget, I’m constantly reminded. I’m not cold. I’m very empathetic, and will eagerly go to the ends of the earth to help someone in need, with one slight catch…one must be willing to want my assistance.

He and I have many similarities, more than he could ever think possible. I’ve survived abuse, neglect, abandonment, addiction, divorce and death, some of those by the age of six. The major difference is I REFUSE to let anyone or anything keep me down. Life experience I use to learn from. I don’t accept being a victim. I’m constantly learning and growing. God knows, when something is painful, I can procrastinate like no one else, but eventually I get down to the dirty work needed to heal, to move on, and move forward. I NEVER GIVE UP on myself.

So, for the moment, I’m the cold heartless, judgemental outsider who will just NEVER understand the situation at hand, banished to my doghouse yet again.

Maybe it’s true that I don’t get it, but I think the true problem is that I understand it all too well.

Vindication!

The studies have proven what has always been known by the female population. We do NOT in fact speak more than our male conterparts. Despite the myth I'm sure begun by men. I wonder how much someone was paid to perform that study. Whatever the price I could have given them that information for half the cost, if only someone had asked.

Why would I be privy to that information while all the world remained in the dark. Simple. One day on our street is time enough to have shown them that the conception that we talk more then men a falsehood.

On any given day in our neighborhood you will find most of the men in conversation. How do you think we find out who is doing what. The men. Not only do the men on my street talk more, they also are more well known to gossip. Why do the women not partake as often you ask? Again, simply put, we have more things to do with our time.

While we're busy taking children from place to place, the guys are gabbing up a storm. We're getting dinner together, doing laundry, getting kids in the bath, and refereeing the latest arguments. Once we're ready to relax for the evening, we hear better coverage than if life were lived on the nightly news.

We know how much Joe Blow really paid his new car. What everyone on the block does for a living, how much they paid for landscaping, what they earn. Who has the best jobs. Play by play action of what's happening in the latest drama. For some time it was my oldest son's activities that was the source of conversation. Now, he's in recovery, his name pops up from time to time, in a more positive light. The gossip has changed over to the latest divorce drama, and the effects on the child in the middle.

It must be a way for them to build themselves up. I know myself that after hearing all that's happening in all of my neighbor's houses, I feel much better about my life.

So ladies, next time a man tries to throw that myth that all women do is gossip, you can let them know what I heard from the guys on the block. That should put an end to that falsehood, and vidicate us for the centuries of misconceptions about who in the house talks, and yes, gossips the most.