Good vs. Evil

In my attempt to teach my children to treat others the way they’d like to be treated, I feel maybe I’m doing them a disservice. I’ve battled for a few years now with Eddie Haskell. This kid is a heartless, game player, that messes with the minds of other kids just for the fun of it.

I’ve had plenty of “chats” with this child, to no avail. Sure, he’s scared of me, now overly polite when he sees me, but still as conniving as ever. Seems he has a difficult time with odd numbers, meaning, loves to find 2 people to pit against each other for his pleasure. Since there are one of him, three on my side, and a few other stragglers that have a break from him through joint custody agreements, more often than not, his victims come from my house.

We’ve seen him get a guitar, because they became popular in our house. Skateboards, he’s had a few, as you guessed it, we have avid skateboarders here. Usually one of my sons brings home friends, he sniffs out his prey, and attacks, takes credit whenever he can and latches on to people much like the dreaded leach.

I’ve had the opportunity to watch all the neighbor kids on skateboards, having been designated the honorary cameraman on many of their park adventures. Well, let’s just say this kid is more like Bucky Dent than Bucky Lasek on a skateboard. With a few of the kids it’s their passion, and they have no fear to try new tricks. Suddenly he’s put in a competition with my son, who has absolutely no fear and practices for an average of five hours any given day this summer. His latest victim is the judge, and miraculously he pulls off victory twice over my son, and declared the “BEST” skater on the team.

Why can’t kids just get along? Is it necessary to complicate everything in life, beginning so soon? The saddest part of this is I’ve seen what floats to the top in the corpporate world, and don’t think this kid will ever figure it out. Why? This behavior of his will benefit him through his whole life.

So, I’m stuck. Do I abandon trying to teach my kids good values and trade it all in game playing 101? Personally I cannot stand those who play those games, have absolutely NO RESPECT for them. Maybe another little “chat” will do the trick, or just buy me a few days of serenity. The problem with this whole parenting thing is you just don’t know how you’ve done until it’s too late to correct any mistakes you may have made.

The Rest of the Story...

Closure is so important to all of us, whether realized or not, and as I know inquiring minds are dying to find out the scoop, here you go.

Catfight was easily won. Well, not so much a competition as to actually getting a glimpse into a 30ish old GIRL who is desperately trying to cling on to the best thing she ever let slip away. Sure, she tried her best, but I blocked all of her punches. I loved her comment about if you knew me, you’d understand. The funny thing was, I knew her WAY BETTER than she thought. So, my thorn was easily removed, and if she should try to send any more cards to MY house, phone calls, IM’s; closing them with “Luv Ya” I will realize it is merely a desperate attempt by a pathetic individual. Little cutsie hearts over your “i” may be appropriate for the Paris Hilton crowd or immature girls roaming the halls in high school, however, there comes a time when they lose their appeal and are merely pathetic. So, I have closure knowing that her concept of BFF with my significant other is merely a one-sided friendship that is no threat to me, and now instead of cringing, I’ll say a little prayer that she find her way in life.

Secondly, after a conversation with a doctor yesterday it was determined that Manipulation is NOT a disorder, but Lewy Body Disorder is. So, in essense we are dealing with a disorder in a dysfunctional personality, therefore, it’s a very blurry, confused situation. I had to accept that it’s not personal, that it truly is a brain degenerating, getting old and wearing out. It is a TRUE disease. As one headlined screamed out to me “Scrooge Probably Suffered from LBD” Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!!

Imagine having to sit down with a 10 year old to tell him that it’s going to be like having a little brother in a 74 year old body. After the initial glaze left his eyes, I think he understood.

Have no fear, I found another forum for THE ventfests that will be involved on THIS roller coaster ride. I’m determined to keep my sanity and most importantly my warped sense of humor. Worst case scenario, I checked and my standing reservation at the Padded Inn is still available.

Disorder or Dysfunction?

When is something a disorder? What’s makes it so? In my mind, a disorder, especially those that occur later in life are totally random. Hurt feelings hit everyone in that person’s life. Manipulation is selective pain innvoked on others. How do you find treatment for both, when there is so much gray area to cover. How do you truly discover what can be treated through medicine versus psychologically?

Recent episodes have included mind boggling symptoms, that are ever changing. Confusion with clarity to call the one with emotional baggage er, ties. Feel my pain, don’t you feel bad, fix me, BUT…only on MY TERMS. To me that’s not a disorder but rather a dysfunction.

Above that, add a medical diagnosis that maybe it’s Lewy Body so it’s unpredictable. Even medical professionals are now saying that if it truly is Lewy Body it’s the slowest progressing case they’ve ever witnessed.

With over fifteen years dealing with recovery, and many more dealing with manipulation, my input comes across as a cold hearted, uncaring, biased outsider, who just hasn’t a clue as to the significant changes this person has gone through over the last few years.

Well, true, I’m an outsider…true, I’m warped in my opinion, but the fact is, the person has been the same cold hearted, self centered individual I’ve encountered for the last five years.

How do you possibly tell someone you love that their parent is a lying, self centered, self serving piece of something cows would say ewww about? There is no politically correct way of spinning that one. Hell, Karl Rove couldn’t spin that one and make it look good.

This man made my life a living hell for three of those five years, bitter, hell yeah. Forgiving, I can do that, forget, no way. My belief is this man has had people fishing for him for so many years that he never had to learn to fish for himself. He’s burned bridges to safety without a care, and now he’s feeling the consequences for all of those bad choices he’s made in his life, and searching for someone to fish some more. His antics have increased in drama due to the fact that he’s cried wolf so many times, most of the sheep are gone, and only one lifeline remains.

As he’s looking for pity from the one remaining ally, he’s giving credit to all the wrong people. In the process he’s pushing away the one remaining teammate he has, foresaking them while thanking those who have not been there, have not cared, think he’s full of it.

If it truly is a disorder, I would go to the ends of the earth to help, but I’m having a tough time diserning what is real and what is fabricated. We’re back again hearing the doctor’s mention Lewy Body, and back to feeling the guilt and pain, hoping that we do all that we can to help a man not seeming worthy of our love and assistance.

Thorn In My Side

It’s been quite an interesting few days in my life. My father-in-law was having every form of symptom known to man, that was healed, completely cured when I told him I was on my way to pick him up. With the symptoms I was hearing about, it surely wasn’t safe for him to be alone in his house.

Top that, with a job offer to be a nanny for my neice through the rest of this year, yanked out from under my feet. They found someone for less money, so they had to do what was best for them. Granted in most cases money is a motivating factor, but I’ve yawned through many a boast of $3,500 earrings, $10,000 living room sets, blah, blah, blah. Now she’s worried about saving money on her daughter’s care.

Follow that up with an ex-girlfriend that has been a thorn in my side for five years. She won’t climb back under her rock. While on the desktop in our room, I got an IM message from her…OK, so I know she wasn’t addressing me, but she still uses cute little nicknames and writes Luv ya. To say the least, this does NOT go over very well with me.

I’m drafting an email to get to the bottom of this one. The only time I’ve kept in touch with someone who I broke up with was when the court ordered it for the children’s sake, so needless to say, I don’t understand her mentality. She’s been asked nicely to stop, and instead just seems to find new approaches. Whatever the case, the motives don’t seem good to me.

Do I face it, as I now have an email address? Do I just accept that she is not going away? Somehow, someway, this thorn needs to be pulled out before it festers. Any advice, love to hear it. I'm quickly running out of ideas and patience here.

Saying Goodbye and Thanks for the Life Lessons

Yet another year has passed. Today, he would have been 56 had he not just thrown in the towel on life. As difficult as it was dealing with him throwing obstacles onto my path of life, it still can seem odd without him here.

It's becoming easier, healing a bit closer with each passing day. Some days I can still get so angry that he checked out, leaving me to raise three boys. On days when I hear how great dad did something that doesn't come as naturally to me, it can still cut like a knife, but those times are less frequent.

I have to stop and realize that some of the obstacles I've faced, actually led to my growth as an individual. You don't realize how strong you are, until the safety net is not in place. So on what would have been a special day to you...

I’d like to thank you for all that you’ve helped me learn in this life and all you’ve given me. It has not always been easy, but we managed to accept things and move on with our lives and show the children a united front despite any personal differences there were.

I’m happy for you, relieved that your pain is over, and know that you are with your mom and at peace. I am very grateful that acceptance and peace was made between us all, leaving no unresolved issues. I am grateful that the boys will have wonderful memories of you, camping, fishing, and baseball. I am grateful that they will see all the people whose lives you touched.

This is not an easy time, but we will go on, with you watching over the boys as they pass milestones in their lives. We will do our best here to keep your memory alive through them, and assure that they grow up to be healthy, happy, productive members of society.

Thank you for the gift of three beautiful children, with so much love in their hearts. I will always be grateful for that.

God Bless You and Thank You. Goodbye, Rocky, we’ll miss you.