We’ve had an invasion in our neighborhood…worse than any alien species known to any experts, more terrifying than the accounts written in the tabloids. It's even worse than roof rats, ants, or any other pesky creature. It’s the attack of the “Ryanites.” Infestation takes a mere 24 hours, and eats away the brains of those it targets, turning them into zombie like followers.
The fearless leader is about four foot tall, blond haired, blue eyes, an only child. He targets young, impressionable children, who just want to fit in and be accepted by their peers, and being cooler than their siblings. He is destined for greatness; just ask him, he’ll tell you. Ryan’s more than happy to share his stats in baseball, football, school, or anything else. The realtor neglected to inform us that we live in HIS neighborhood and in doing so the kids should BOW to his wishes.
We’ve faced this invasion before, and went to great lengths to break this cycle. Our assistance was requested due to the incessant whining of the unfairness, the bullying, and the torment. His game plan is divide and conquer, leaving nothing intact.
The boys have not played with Ryan all summer. Withdrawal was a difficult process at first; they would eye him to see if he was having fun without them, trying to see who might be playing with him. Our intervention worked, after a short time they were no longer concerned about what he was up to. They were introduced to other neighborhood kids, having fun, without the friction. Then it happened. Word got out that Ryan is playing Jr. League football. Just when I thought the world was safe, their idol has returned. He is once again COOL, as he has football practice. Within 24 hours the whining has started, the bridges are being burned, and the faithful Ryanites have returned. Lock your doors, board your windows and pray that it doesn’t attack your neighborhood too.
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