What happened? Life was so good, then I hit 40. Much like teenage boys, it took some time before it hit me. When it struck, it sent shock waves through my system.
Emotions out of control, life feeling like a train wreck waiting to happen. Added to it, I'm a very even keeled person, never jumping for joy, but you'll never find me in a corner huddled in the fetal position over a hangnail. I happen to live with the opposite end of that spectrum. What comes to mind, spews out, with little thought of recourse.
I deal, I put up with, I shrug off. I happen to be one who can do that successfully for a while, which tends to make people believe they can get away with it forever. Then, much like a tornado whipping through, I don't deal, I DON'T tolerate, and I can no longer shrug off the comments, thoughts, or insinuations.
Of course, it comes at a time, never opportune; while in the midst of a major life altering decision. Could it be cold feet? Possibly a four year itch? I'm not sure, but I do know I'm not handling it in my usual calm, cool manner. On the outside, possibly it seems that way, on the inside I'm seething with resentment and rejection.
Will the outcome be acceptable? Will I bounce back, stronger than before? I'm sure of it. Will the damage be easily repaired, I doubt it? I just hope I hold the emotions in check. I have a sharp tongue in these situations, when this level has been reached. Added to that, I have tunnelvision, when I feel cornered or provoked, and a stubborn streak like no one else.
Could it be mid-life crisis hitting hard? Why couldn't I just get a cool sports car and hair transplant and be done with it?
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